36. Finding your intuition
November 21, 2005
I mentioned intuition in earlier essays, and I want to dig a little deeper. I believe we all have deep, meaningful instincts about what is best for us, but we can’t easily access it. Why? In a previous essay, I mentioned filters that are part of the way we see things that impact the way we understand the world. The filters come from our experience in the world, and continue to build and solidify over our entire lives, unless we choose differently. The disconnect from our intuition is a big filter. This has to do with how we are trained to think about ourselves by our society in general. We are told that we are weak, that we need discipline, that left to our own devices, we will make bad choices. It’s possible to have experiences in childhood that counteract that influence, but the influence in our society is very strong. In truth, the opposite is true. We are all naturally strong, capable, intuitive, resilient. To access this truth, we need to go back to what our heart, mind and body know. Instinct lies in the space between heart, mind, body and consciousness. We need to do the work to uncover this truth, release it from the filters, and live our authentic life.
Remember my essay on good decision making? An aligned life In that essay, I talked about how academics who study decision-making define a good decision as one that is aligned with the decision maker’s values, that is, with your values. Your values lie at the heart of your intuition. They are what is true for you. Getting to know your own values takes time, time to wade through all the layers of want and expectation that society has given us and find what is truly ours. Here’s an example. On peloton rides, I have noticed a trend. The instructors that are towards my age range, say late 40’s to 50’s say things like – “This is your ride. I’ll give suggestions but you need to decide how much to push yourself today.” The instructors that are younger say – “Do not touch that resistance. Do not sit down. Keep going.” Your intuition is what comes in when someone says – you need to decide for yourself. But society does not often tell us to make this decision on our own, in fact, they push us away from that and towards seeking advice, towards the idea that someone else knows better than me. That my intuition is not to be trusted.
I saw a woman I’ve known for a few years; she’s due with her first child in February. “Do you have any advice?” she asked. “Don’t listen to anyone’s advice” was my response. I told her what I am telling you - we have our own instincts, our own intuition, but to access it reliably, we have to unlearn the way we have grown to ignore it. That is not easy, it’s a big task and is worthy of time and energy. So how to do this? Let’s begin.
Take one day a week. Do not do anything that day that you think you “should.” Yes, you have to work and take care of any creatures and people you usually take care of. But only do it in ways that are not “shoulds.” Do it in ways that you want to. For example, these are things you would stop yourself from executing on that one day per week: “I should clean that closet out – it’s a mess. I should go for a run because I haven’t exercised yet today. I should take that yoga class because I paid for a membership and I haven’t been using it.” It may take a while to start hearing that and pausing, because we are so accustomed to heeding that voice. But that is not your voice. Listen instead for the wants, the pulls. I want to do this. I want to do that.
Just one day a week, try to live like this. It will not work at first. That’s ok. Keep trying. Once a week. See if your perspective shifts. If you feel stronger in yourself. If you start to access your inner voice, your intuition, your higher self. It’s there, just hiding under layers of things that you no longer need, once you realize they are there. Just like when you take a load of clothes you do not use anymore to Goodwill, you could start to feel lighter, more unburdened, more yourself.
