31. How to be unbusy - Three small joys
Now that we know how much our tendency toward “busy-ness” may be a result of our environment vs our true natural pace, we can choose. Given how much we are surrounded by the glorification of busy, it’s not surprising that we come into our 40’s and 50’s without dimension to our lives, without finding something we are excited about, that lights us up, that we want to put our energy towards. Finding that personal calling takes quiet, and space and, dare I say, boredom. When I was bored as a child, we found things to do. We made up games and dances and stories and art. When I was in my 20’s, I lived in a new city without lots of friends and little money. A recipe for boredom! On Saturdays, I would ride my bike to the library and walk around and look at books and read newspapers (shout out to downtown Indianapolis!). I don’t think we know how to be bored anymore. We as adults and our kids too are so programmed and scheduled. We need to learn again how to be without constant stimulation. To wonder and wander.
First step, carve out a little time. Assuming kids and pets are taken care of – stop at a park on your way home from work or from running errands. No podcasts, no phone call – just walk around the park for 10 minutes. Look at things. (Don’t worry, no one is looking at you.) Then on the weekend, find thirty minutes. Close the door to your room or go for a car ride and just don’t do anything. Try to be bored. Ignore the to-do lists and reminders. Set a timer and let your mind wander. Think about what you liked about this week, what drew you in, what you want more of. Then, once the timer goes off, go back to your regular pace. I hope that having those little spaces of breathing room in your week will lead to you crave more.
Here’s another idea for you to try. In those short times of boredom, let your mind wander towards thinking of three ways of spending time that you wished you had in your life every week. Let’s call them three small joys. Things like time to doodle, time to sit quietly at a coffee shop and read, time to work on a puzzle or craft project – you get the idea. Not projects like going on big trips and certainly not chores like cleaning out your pantry, but things that you would enjoy doing as part of your regular, daily routine that you do not regularly do. Then, sit down on Sundays to plan your week and see if you can schedule time to do each of them. Think of it as a to-do list if that helps you to be motivated to do it. Three things a day seems like too much, and three things a month seems like not enough, so let’s try three things a week. If you share your small joys with me, I’ll make a resource sheet on the website so others can use it for inspiration; you can email me or post in the comments here or on Facebook, LinkedIn or Instagram.
By thinking about what these three small joys would be for you, and by working to figure out how you can incorporate them into your life each week, you are standing firm against the tendency to be busy. You are making your own way even as the world is pulling you into its tide. By starting to carve out even only a handful of minutes each week, you will start to prove to yourself that you can do it, you can move towards what is calling you, you can find your own path. Very few people can flip their lives over entirely in the short term – that takes gall and grit and determination and honestly can be disruptive and exhausting. Certainly do that if you must, but that is not the only option. Everyone can make small shifts on the daily, weekly, monthly time-scale, and keep coming back to them even when the habit falls away. Perhaps if you do, then five years from now, you will find yourself on a path that feels more true for you.
This idea of carving out small moments and small joys as a first step towards an unbusy life will be part of the Elders-in-Training program. Having these conversations and providing reminders to younger adults could be an important role for the elders who are supporting a healthy, thriving society.
