47. The Wild Abandon of My Own Road – An Elder Ritual
February 6, 2026
Do you know the Robert Frost poem, “The Road Not Taken” ? It has the ending stanza, “I took the road less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.” I went to Robert Frost Elementary in Mount Prospect, IL (shout out to the Falcons), so maybe that explains why it has always played loudly in my head. I’m not sure what meaning I drew from it in my younger years, but now I see it as clearly linked with this discussion we are having about finding your own way. But rather than “the road less traveled”, I think it’s the “untraveled road.” It’s not only that fewer people take it, but that none before me have, because it is my road, one of my creation, based on my needs and what my spirit pulls me towards. I can learn from what others have done, but my own road is unique and only mine.
Yesterday, I met in a professional context with a person I did not yet know, a colleague of a friend of a friend. She said- tell me about yourself. I found myself reciting my background in a predictable order: School, Jobs, Career Journey, to now. I haven’t told that story in a while. As I was telling it, I was wondering, is this my story? How else might I tell it?
Later, I had a yoga class and a glass of wine with another woman I had recently met (side note: I’m writing this on Thursday and as I mentioned last week, Wednesdays are my connection day after all). That was a different conversation, more about our marriages, our children, our religious upbringings and spiritual inclinations, travel, and a little bit about our work experiences. Having these two interactions a few hours apart raised even more questions for me. I wondered again - Is this my story? How else might I tell it?
I’m really focused this week about the idea that our 50’s may be the first time that we really have the chance to write our own story. Not that our decisions before us were not truly ours, but they were within a framework that was much more scripted, with well-established and well-accepted components. We moved around within the set of standard elements – school, job, marriage, family, friends, maybe some athletic undertakings or volunteer roles too. With few exceptions, there was not much time or interest in exploring alternate paths.
However, as I moved into my mid-50’s, that changed. The demand for my attention for those well-established components was freed up, and I started to be interested in Something Else. In many indigenous traditions, there are “coming of age” rituals in adolescence in which you alone must endure some difficulty. We’ve all but lost that ritual in our culture for young adults. I propose we re-introduce it, but as a “coming-of-elder” variety. Honestly, I think we are enduring it already, but without any awareness or recognition, no ceremony or companionship. Alone and unguided. The idea would be that we expect our 50’s to be this transformational time, in which we are becoming a new version of ourselves, incorporating what we have built so far and setting off on a new path.
As I continue on this elder-in-training journey, I am consistently struck by how many people I encounter in the Third Quarter of Life who are also looking for something that does not yet exist. There’s a feeling of restlessness, yearning. Now that medical advancements have greatly extended our life span, more of us have time to create our 2nd adulthood. To invent it from scratch. We could learn something new, build expertise in an area we don’t know anything about yet, find or build entirely new communities, shift our daily routine, open ourselves to What’s Next. It’s a road that can be traveled only by me.
What are some things we could incorporate into this ritual passage? Some of what I’ve written in past essays about this stage are relevant. Let me know what thoughts you have - let’s build this together.
