5. What we choose to move toward
April 18, 2025 What we choose to move toward
There are many powerful pulls in our world right now. We could be swept up with them or leverage them to move us toward a direction we choose. I’m moving towards awareness of the potential role of elders in our society and the development of resources to support each other on that journey towards elderhood.
In addition to what I mentioned earlier about the fact that we are living longer and that older people are generally set aside in our society, another important force is that many young people are shifting our culture into a new era, and could use some wise elders to light the way. There are many things to admire about the Gen Z perspective, for example, they seem more to have more social consciousness than past generations, perhaps a shift away from dire capitalism. But they also experience more mental health challenges, or at least are more vocal about them. Resources to meet mental health challenges are in high demand. Adults struggle to meet the standards our society has set, and suffer without healing from trauma, often passing that inheritance of trauma on to their children. Loneliness is at epidemic levels. We laude and value independence and elevate our personal well- being and our family’s well-being at the expense of community well-being. A sense of belonging is often hard to find. If there is a sense of belonging, it may come with expectations in terms of jobs, financial status, type of partner, having young children, or living in a certain place, and those strings can hold us back from evolving into the next version of ourselves.
My plan is to work on a way that I can grow towards the vision of accepting and anticipating a phase for myself I am calling “elder-in-training,” with the ultimate goal of being a fully functional elder in a decade or so. I say a decade because I am 57 now and I and I imagine by 67 I will have grown a great deal. It is not a concrete time frame – more of an estimate based on what I’m thinking of now. It will likely change. But to be clear, this is not a brief 3-month certification program that I have in mind. It’s more like a long-term investment; ideally you put in a little bit consistently over time and in the end, you reap big rewards. It’s a gradual, slow shift and I expect everyone will have a different set of needs. I hope to assemble components that one can choose from, one at a time, to work with.
I feel more and more comfortable with the idea of this phase of life as a transitional phase, rather than what society/culture is telling me. Society is telling me that I am old, that I am not a “productive” member of society, that I am no longer relevant. I am sure this message is felt by men as well, but I see it as particularly focused towards women. I’m listening to Brooke Shields’ new book, “Brooke Shields is not allowed to get old!” (the title says a lot). Apparently, she is only 2-3 years older than me, and her message about standing tall in this phase of our lives and being seen is resonating with me.
In our older years, we can be wise. We have experience and knowledge from our walk in the world that allows us to be more present, more open, more willing to listen than we were in our younger years. For those of us who can be flexible and open and navigate the great changes in society, there is certainly a need for sage, centered, grounded advisors, in other words, elders.
So, what would that look like? What would an “elder-in-training” curriculum entail? As I reflect on that path I’ve traveled over the past two years in these essays, I expect that will help me to assemble the components and move me toward that goal.
